Week #5-Free Post

Relationship Communication

Recently, I learned about relationship communication. I studied different types, effective ways, and various surveys of communication in relationships. Mainly, there are four definitions of communication in relationship and they are: 1. Constellations of Behaviors (what activities partners do together) 2. Contradictory Forces (dialectal tensions) 3. Mini-cultures (expectations for behaviors) 4. Cognitive Constructs (relationship prototyping). After learning about these relationship communication styles, I have been starting to see them in every relationship around me.

Today I watched the movie Blue Valentine and I saw examples of these four definitions in the main character's (Dean and Cindy) relationship. I will break the examples up by definition to be clear. **if you haven't seen the movie I made sure to leave out really big 'spoilers'**  

1. Constellations of Behaviors: Dean and Cindy have several activities they part take in together. The key to this aspect of behavioral communication is it does not include emotions or feelings. One can compare their old behaviors to their new ones to see how they have transformed. An example of these behaviors include: being silly and dancing around. While they both did this in their youth, Cindy grows out of the behavior. This causes problems in their constellations of behaviors. 

2. Contradictory Forces: This is the desire for two opposing things at once in the relationship. Dean and Cindy totally use contradictory forces to define their relationship. An example of this would be Cindy wants to be with Dean yet also wants alone time.e. Her wanting alone time also strained their relationship communication. 

3. Mini-Cultures: Expectations for behaviors can also lead to disappointments when the expectation is not met. And yet again, Cindy and Dean have a problem with their mini-culture. The two built 'norms' together as young adults that seized to be met as they got older. The main example of this is they created a world for themselves where Cindy is spontaneous  She grows out of this behavior too in time causing mini-culture problems.

4. Cognitive Constructs: Dean often catches himself thinking "a wife should be caring towards me", creating a relationship prototype. While Cindy was somewhat caring she did not meet prototype. At the same time Cindy often though "a husband should be 'manly'", when Dean did not meet this prototype more trouble was caused in their cognitive construct. 

I was able to apply what I have learned in this movie. I enjoyed being able to diagnose their relationship with their proper definitions, however the movie was really depressing. In all, I feel stagnant and accomplished all at the same time.